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Why don't Japanese people say "I love you" to their wives and lovers? なぜ日本人は妻や恋人に「I love you」を言わないのかを説明してみる


I often see or hear Western women who say, "The expression of my Japanese boyfriend's love is a little bit cold and I feel lonely." So, I wrote this sentence. 


Japanese people don't say "Aishiteru(I love you)" to their wives and lovers. "Aishiteru" sounds like a pretentious, awkward, smug aesthetic novel. " ◯◯-chan, dakisuki dayooo!" That's natural and all they can say.

In the first place, the concept of "love" is different between Western culture and Eastern culture.

愛 - Wikipedia

It says, 
As a word that expresses the concept of being dear, feeling cute, and wanting to protect the others, the words "情(jou/nasake/feeling)" are often used, and the words "色(iro/color)" and "恋(koi)" are often used for love, and the concept itself is very different from that of Europe..

In the 19th century, the meaning of word “love”in the West, "amour" in French, were introduced to Japan. At that time, "1. The concept of Christian love, 2. The Greek concept of love(ex.agape, phillia,etc. ), 3. Different concepts such as "the concept of love supremacy in romantic novels" flowed in at the same time, and various current uses have been created.

The kanji "愛(ai/love)" comes from Indian Buddhism and is seen negatively as the root of hesitation.

It says; [Buddhism] 渇愛Craving, 愛着attachment, 愛欲lust. " In the explanation of "Twelve Causes", it is positioned as the eighth branch and is seen negatively as the root of confusion.

https://rk-world.org/basic-buddhism/12causes/#:~:text=The%20twelve%20links%20or%20stages,(12)%20aging%20and%20death.It is one of the basic ideas of Buddhism. "by cutting off the root of the anguish of real life to eliminate suffering."

In the samurai culture, there was no culture of expressing love to women in public from the idea of chauvinism.

If an adult man petting a stuffed bear in public, you would laugh that he was a creepy, childish guy. Or, if you saw a man was walking with a prostitute while put his arm around her waist, you would show discomfort.

For the Japanese, the feeling of foreigners touching their wives or lovers in public or showing off two-shot photos with women is kind of like that. See the photo ↓

お座敷遊び - Wikipedia

Japanese men told to resolute without showing personal feelings in public, and at night, with 遊女yuujo,prostitutes in 遊郭,yuukaku, the red-light district,  frolicking and shouting "Daisuki-dayo, (I like you very much), 〇〇chan!" while drunk and excited.

When they get home, they'll be solem to their wife and say, "Hey, tea." And be bossy.Japan was such a male society. If you read "Futon" of Tayama Katai(1872-1930), you will understand that feeling.

Even now, in general, the actual truth is mostly the same, and it is an unpleasant culture for women.(Of course, there are more cases where that is not the case.)

Japanese actor Teruyuki Kagawa following a report in a weekly magazine that he committed indecent acts including removing a hostess's underwear at a bar in Tokyo.

I want foreigners to understand that and actively help Japanese women.



日本人は妻や恋人に「愛してる」と言わない。「Aishiteru」 は気取った、キザな耽美小説のような気まずい響きなのだ。「◯◯ちゃん、大好きだよ〜!」くらいが、精一杯である。


ja.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/愛 より引用


近代に入り、西洋での語義、すなわち英語の「love」やフランス語の「amour」などの語義が導入された。その際に、「1. キリスト教の愛の概念、2.ギリシア的な愛の概念、3. ロマン主義小説の恋愛至上主義での愛の概念」などの異なる概念が同時に流れ込み、現在の多様な用法が作られてきた。


〔仏教〕 渇愛、愛着(あいじゃく)、愛欲。「十二因縁」の説明では第八支に位置づけられ、迷いの根源として否定的に見られる。

十二因縁(じゅうにいんねん)、あるいは、十二縁起(じゅうにえんぎ、梵: dvādaśāṅgika-pratītyasamutpāda)とは、仏教において、現実の人生の苦悩の根源を断つことによって苦悩を滅するための12の条件を系列化したもの。仏教の基本的な考えの一つである。






田山花袋 「蒲団」朗読動画